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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 4

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Spacer Dear Guzzler: I think you're a sick person. You need professional help. Golf is a sport to be played and enjoyed by true ladies and gentlemen, not an opportunity to swill beer and act loutish. I hope you and your kind never set foot on the Country Club of Jackson course.

A: That makes two of us. Go paint your nose.

Dear Guzzler: I walked up to the 7th tee the other day, and there on the bench was a very cold, nearly full can of my favorite brew. What would you do -- chug-a-lug or chuck it?

A: That's a judgment call. I'd weigh all factors. How many cold ones do I have left? Is it after noon? Am I playing nine or 18? Is there anyone in the group ahead who hates my guts?

Dear Guzzler: I feel so despondent! My twosome was involved in a very important match on Position Night recently, and we had the other guys whipped -- until all that beer kicked in and it took us 31 strokes to play the final two holes. I think it's time to take up curling.

A: Get a life, you weenie. Drink a beer. (Verb deleted) the wife.

GG TIP: It can happen to anyone -- even me. Before my round Monday I set my can down beside the putting green and it tipped over. I cracked another and tipped that one on the first tee. Howls of derisive laughter flowed from my playing partners. Two gone and I'm not off the first tee! I could have avoided this embarrassment with just a little duct tape, the multi-purpose golf repair tool. When you need to set your can down for one of those pesky swings, simply tape it to a tree or bench and rest assured that your suds will stay upright, even if you do not.

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