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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 10
Dear Guzzler: I have a terrible problem. I live in St. Louis where Budweiser is king but, having previously lived in much more civilized places, my tastes lean toward the Canadian brews. I feel incredible peer pressure to be politically and geographically correct, but am having a hard time hiding my grimaces on the golf course. Should I continue to "be one of the boys," or should I remain true to my own taste?
A: Not even a tough call. I happen to like Bud, but Canadian beer (yum yum) is more satisfying than civic pride. So be yourself and drink what you want. Anyone who thinks less of you for cracking a Molson is not worth having as a friend.
Dear Guzzler: What does the Guzzler do for recreation during the winter months when he can't play golf?
A: Watch football on T.V., buy stupid gimmicks guaranteed to straighten out my golf swing next year, call in sick to work, reacquaint myself with Happy Hour, tinker with my snowblower engine, get fatter, transfer credit card balances and contribute to Penthouse Forum (for you regular readers, I was the one pulled over by that unbelievable lady state trooper who had to call for backup). In short, I stay busy.
Dear Guzzler: I have a problem which I think you might be able to help me with. I am a member with a small club in Melbourne, Australia. They have a rule about allowing alcohol on the golf course. I have tried to conceal it but the officials always find me out. I would like you to suggest me some ways of concealing the alcohol, and some quality breath-refreshment products.
A: Good God, not Australia! When the Aussies go dry, none of us is safe. Try this: Buy 12 cans of soft drink and discard contents. Using a hacksaw and sharp utility shears, cleanly cut the top and bottom off each can. Then cut lengthwise where there is no writing. Slip over a clean, dry, grease-free can of beer of similar size and label color. Align and secure with a few drops of Krazy Glue. Chill if desired. Then zip your perfectly legal "soft drink" into a pocket of your golf bag. Unfortunately, breath refreshment is too complicated to justify the effort.
GG Milestone: The Guzzler proudly takes note of our first international query, and from way on the other side of this global village at that. Keep 'em coming.