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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 13

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Spacer Dear Guzzler: My boyfriend and I love to play golf, drink beer, and fool around in the cart. Trouble is, the more we drink, the more we want to fool around. How are we ever going to improve our game?


A: Keep your head down, rotate your hips and finish with a strong follow through. Remember, all your power is generated in the legs. And have another beer. beer glass

Dear Guzzler: I have heard of your wisdom across this great land and thought it best to put my riddle before you. I am having financial troubles and fear the ridicule of my co-workers should I have to file for bankruptcy. Just wondering if beer could help me in my decision in any way.


A: This goes beyond the realm of golf, but the Guzz is here to help. I see three options: 1) Rob a liquor store; 2) Find someone rich, ugly and single (try a Star Trek convention); 3) Amway. You need liquid wisdom more than ever, so reserve one credit card for beer only and pay the minimum due each month. Lots of times that will be just $10, so you come out way ahead. And show a little faith in human nature. What kind of sadistic co-workers would ridicule a pathetic deadbeat? beer glass

News Flash from the Golf Guzzler

The following is an actual dispatch from the Associated Press (and is therefore copyrighted to that august cooperative):

"WAUSAU, Wis. (AP) -- A golfer had 13 drinks before he tripped on his golf spikes and fell face first onto a brick path outside a clubhouse, breaking his jaw and shattering his teeth. But an appeals court Tuesday said the course was mostly at fault, for leaving gaps in the bricks.

"Dale L. Larson -- who needed nine root canals, 23 crowns and had his jaw wired shut for months -- was awarded $41,540 in damages even though his own lawyer said it was rare for a drunk person to win a negligence case.

"The appeals court upheld a trial judge's ruling that Indianhead Golf and Recreation Inc. of Mosinee was 51 percent negligent because of its terra-lock brick ramp that led from the clubhouse bar.

"Larson, wearing his golf spikes, fell on the ramp as he left the bar the night of May 16, 1990.

"A doctor testified Larson was in a stupor, with a blood-alcohol level of 0.28 percent 90 minutes after the accident. But Larson said he was not significantly impaired by the eight beers and five mixed drinks he had over a period of six hours before the accident.

"Larson's golfing partner, a former president of the golf club, testified that he noticed nothing unusual with Larson's demeanor or balance."

We shall overcome, brothers and sisters. We shall overcome. beer glass

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