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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 17
Dear Guzzler: Titanium -- is it worth the extra cost?
A: You are confused. The name is "Heineken." And the answer is "No."
Dear Guzzler: I want to ensure that the Beer Fairy is my friend and makes frequent stops for our foursome. How much of a tip should I give the Beer Fairy when the beverage cart makes its first visit of the round?
A: Fancy course, $5. Average course, $1. Shit-hole course, tell your playing partners to shut up and leave her alone.
Dear Guzzler: Coincidence or something greater? Have you noticed how well a beer can fits in a golf hole?
A: No. If you are ever in the group in front of me, do me a favor and wave us through.
Dear Guzzler: Is there a proper way to use the golf course's terrain to relieve myself without being spotted?
A: Let's assume you are male. Stand dead center in the middle of the fairway. Unzip your pants and pull out your penis. Rest both hands on your hips and look 180 yards ahead, as if you are studying the lay of the land. Then let it flow. The pros call this hiding in plain sight. If you are female, walk to the clubhouse and ask directions to the rest room.
Dear Guzzler: Do you know what Tiger Woods' drink of choice is?
A: Fuzzy navels.