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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 18
Dear Guzzler: I've really cut back on my beer consumption (just one a month) but
it is getting to my "back." Carrying those 16-gallon kegs downstairs
is a real pain. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can enjoy my
one beer a month and not hurt myself in the process?
Johnny F. Tonko
A: No pain, no gain. Assuming that a condition of parole or marriage limits you to one a month, you are already making the most of difficult circumstances. When the spasms get bad, just try to remember that a bad back is worth its weight in disability payments.
Dear Guzzler: Any idea on what the legal blood alcohol level is for driving golf carts?
A: That's a tester. Criminal law leaves it wide open, like the wild west. But despite Dan Quayle's noble effort to stop all these frivolous lawsuits, you can still be blamed for rolling a cart into a pond or missing a few corners when a grand prix breaks out through the woods. By the way, if you bump into Dan on the course, give him a cold one and tell him thanks for trying.
Dear Guzzler: Twenty years ago after a bad round of golf and many good rounds at the 19th hole I bought a set of left-handed clubs. I am right-handed. Golfing left-handed has improved my game, but has caused a problem I haven't been able to figure out. I still drink right-handed and the cold frosted cans keeps getting my golf glove wet. Can you help?
T.J.T. from Showboat City
A: Lordy, my friend. Haven't you heard of can coolers? Seventy-nine cents worth of foam rubber that keeps your liquid swing adjuster cool to the tongue and dry to the touch. Don't leave home without it.