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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 19
Dear Guzzler: With spring here and plenty of daylight after work, I have found that my drinking skills are much more developed than my golf skills. Is this reason for concern?
A: Heck no. Now you must go out frequently and "practice." I'm sure your wife understands.
Dear Guzzler: I'm a student at a small midwestern college. I never thought I'd be writing you but ... Oops, wrong letter.
I usually try to maintain a rate of one beer for every three holes during a round. Not a particularly Daly-esque average, I admit, but it seems to give me a good buzz-to-dexterity ratio. My problem is this. By the end of the third hole in each "cycle," I often have a half-ounce or so of suds left in the can. But, by this point it's usually too stale, flat, warm or full of backwash to make for an enjoyable imbibing experience. I hate to just dump it out. What should I do?
A: Cycles, buzz-to-dexterity ratios, target consumption and all that scientific stuff does no good if you're drinking hot beer. And the stigma of dumping a drink every third hole is too much to bear. The secret here is prevention. Finish a brew in two holes, if you must. It's a worthy sacrifice.
Dear Guzzler: I recently had an exhilerating, but potentially troubling, golfing and guzzling experience. Altering my usual one-beer-per-three-holes ratio, I went with one beer for three, a bottle of water for three, and then more beer. This resulted in one of the best games of my life. Could the lower consumption of suds actually be improving my game? If so, what does that say about the rest of our basic assumptions, i.e. that capitalism is better than communism, the sun always rises in the east and sets in the west, and that disco sucks?
The Happy Ponderer
A: Gee, I don't know. Let's try an experiment.
"Young man, there's a place you can go
If that sounds good, stick with water.