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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 21
Guzzler News Flash!
This was printed (really, I swear) in the June 4, 1997, edition of the Oakland Press, a newspaper in Pontiac, Mich.:
Hmmm. Wonder if these guys like a big head on their beer?
Dear Guzzler: I read recently about the Milwaukee golfer who was more concerned about his golf clubs being swiped when two men approached him on the ninth green and said they were going to rob him. What should I do if thieves want to something real dear to me -- like my stash of Old Milwaukee?
A: Safety first. If a gang of thugs comes after your brew, hand over the loot. Life is precious, but a six-pack can be replaced. In your case, all it takes is $1.89 plus tax.
Dear Guzzler: Is it possible to have a good one-handed golf swing so that I can use my other hand to hold and swill a beer? I need some good sound advice, and you're the only one that I feel that I can trust. Please help me.
A: Now that's innovative thinking. I've read about one-armed guys who break par. So, yes, it can be done. Dare to dream.
Dear Guzzler: Ever since that one, very special episode of "Ellen," I have been wondering how to, well, tell my golf buddies something. I guess my question is: Is there a particular kind of beer I should be drinking in order to build up my courage for the big announcement?
A: Try one of those raspberry beers. You won't need to say a thing.
Dear Guzzler: Even if you were extraordinarily drunk, you wouldn't ever golf with O.J., would you?
A: Nah. He's a hacker.