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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 23
Dear Guzzler: Exactly how many beers should be consumed by the time you reach the second hole?
A: My record is four, which put me on pace for a round of 72. That's three cases! Even I could not keep that up. For you, the answer depends on training and experience. Let your personal comfort level guide you. When you hit the wall, you'll know it.
Dear Guzzler: I recently moved to Kentucky. While enjoying my first round in the Bluegrass State, I found the need to relieve myself following the fourth hole. Using the advice I read in "Ask Guzz" I whacked one off the fifth tee right into the woods. Upon entering the woods I was confronted by two local men with long beards. After re-enacting the famous Ned Beatty scene from "Deliverance" I was allowed to finish the round.
Thanks for the advice...
A: Did you squeal on them?
Dear Guzzler: So what's your fantasy golf/guzzling round? On what course? Who would your playing partners be? Would you break 90? Would you care if you didn't?
A: The course would be Augusta National, because I love getting away from the riff-raff. I'd partner up with Keith Richards against Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and the ghost of James Dean. Keef would pull out a fifth of Jack Daniels on the first hole, lose interest in the game and begin telling stories about times he OD'd. Hunter Thompson would call him a wanker and mumble incoherently about small arms and fax machines. Dean would ask why the hell I disturbed his heavenly rest if we weren't going to take the game seriously. "We need a designated driver," I'd say, and we'd all share a good laugh. I'd hole out a birdie putt on 18 to finish with a 69. James Dean would drive us to a sports bar where we'd watch the Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl. Thompson would begin furiously scribbling notes on napkins. Then we'd all go to Denny's and order Moons over My Hammy.