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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 24
Dear Guzzler: My situation is dire. I'm sharing a cart with my best friend and at the
same time we're sharing a 30-pack of Coors Extra Gold. Unfortunately, my tolerance to the brew is mucho higher than my partner's. By the 16th, he can't stand. However, he must finish and gets nasty when laughter erupts at his drunken antics. What's a MAN to do? You gotta have brewski. You gotta have friends. No -- you gotta have brewski! Am I right?
A: Right as rain. Explain to your best friend (really, you sound like you could do better) that he'd make a great designated driver. If that doesn't work, make him drink wine coolers. He'll get the message.
Dear Guzzler: Every time I play golf with my mate, I think he cheats at the scoring. As I do not know how to score correctly, I am constantly losing and am getting tired of this. I have spent hundreds and thousands of dollars on golf lessons but I am still losing. Can you please tell me how to score so that I can win some games? He tells me that the games that we play are:
A: Here's the secret: If it takes you six shots to get from tee to hole, say: "I took a 4."
Dear Guzzler: Do you recommend smoking a little green on the green?
A: Last time I tried that I drove the cart so slow that we had to let walkers play through.
Dear Guzzler: I like to go out on the course and suck the suds and look for my badly hit ball. Well, somehow I got myself into a foursome with my boss and some of his buddies. Well, they don't drink and don't think much of it. It would look bad if I backed out, and I don't want to spend a dry day out on the course. What should I do?
Hope you can help,
A: First rule of golf: Never play with your boss. By the 14th tee you'll call him an asshole to his face. It's only natural. Call the boss at the last minute and tell him you were summoned to be a kidney donor. And you may have to take Monday off.
Dear Guzzler: Could you please tell me how "fore" got into the game of golf? It is causing quite a discussion here at the office.
A: No wonder American productivity is reaching new heights. My guess is that because fore means front, it was a quick way to say: Watch out in front! Or, maybe I'm thinking of foreplay.