|Return to the|
Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 25
Dear Guzzler: I'm a ranger at my local golf course and part of my job description is
to confiscate all beers/coolers not purchased at the golf-course bar or
from the beer fairy. Tell all your followers I would never know if the
beer wasn't in a keg or a 32-ounce bottle!
A: The truth shall set us free!
Dear Guzzler: This is not a question, Guzz, this is pure mid-western fact. As regards a common theme of yours, namely keeping beer cold on the course, which I would heartily agree is critically important, I would offer the following suggestion: Play late fall, early winter. I highly recommend it. As long as you can find the ball, no problem. No hassle with tee times. No need for cooler/ice (or duct tape). I have some inside pointers if you are interested.
A: You are right. Fall is by far the most pleasant time to play. Problem is, most years I give up golf for life by Labor Day.
Dear Guzzler: I have to give an oral speech for a college class about some common perceptions and stereotypes of golfers. I was wondering if you could help me out with this. My problem is that I don't know much about the sport and any information I could get would be helpful. What I mean about common perceptions is a basketball player is perceived as being tall, amongst other things. I would like to know what are perceptions of golfers, are and some of the stereotypes that the public has about them? Any help will be greatly appreciated.
A: College sounds tougher than ever. Glad to help. The stereo-typical image of a golfer is a white, male, pot-bellied, wannabe elitist who pays more for his driver than his child support. This is true. Another stereotype is that golfers obsess so totally over a silly game that they would rather lose a marriage than a tee time. That's true, too. Then there is the perception that golfers use the game as an excuse to skip church and get drunk. Pure slander!
Dear Guzzler: Health experts tell me that beer affects coordination and reflexes -- most important to the game of golf. Why is it that my friends play better golf the more alcohol they consume? Should I not bet on our games if they are going to be drinking?
Sober, aka Empty Pockets,
A: Why? Because your alleged health experts are wussies who cannot be trusted. They want to be our mommies. They'll never tell you that alcohol also has good points. It relaxes the nerves and imparts a sense of confident well-being, also important to a good golf swing. Many hackers play better with a little buzz.Three options to save your cash: stop betting, start drinking or keep pouring the hootch to your opponents until they fall off the edge.