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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 26
Dear Guzzler: How much should be the maximum consumed on the golf course if you're under
age and the sheriff in town is two holes back?
A: Two holes back? Just don't turn around to search for any clubs you leave behind. Bring extra wedges, if necessary. You'll be fine.
Dear Guzzler: Last summer, while enjoying a day on the course, the driver of the cart in which I was riding suddenly yelled, "Give me more power, Scotty! Emergency warp turn, now!" Then he spun the wheel hard left. Due to the fact that we were proceeding downhill at the time, the cart began to roll end over end, completing three full revolutions before coming to a quivering thump (luckily, on all three wheels). I had a premonition of adventure when my companion started to shout, and I exited the cart (stage right); he, on the other hand, joined the cart in its roll in the clover, amazingly landing on his feet unharmed. Is there any sort of record kept as to the number of revolutions completed by a golf cart during an attack of uncontrolled "Trek Flashback"?
Thanks for your assistance,
A: As of now, yes. The record is three. Congratulations. You should be very proud.
Dear Guzzler: Why do we get a hangover if we drink too much beer?
A: Your terminology is wrong. We get a hangover when we drink enough beer. We get acute alcohol poisoning if we drink too much.
Dear Guzzler: Hey, I have to prioritize. After hitting a big looping slice, I bent to retrieve my beer and noticed the ball boring in on a foursome in the next fairway. I was frozen in mid-reach and couldn't decide whether to yell "FORE" or continue to scoop up my beverage. My eyes continued to follow the ball and I knocked over my beer because I wasn't watching what I was doing. Well, I narrowly missed hitting an elderly couple and wasted half a beer. What exactly is the proper proceedure in situations such as this?
Shiek, Bay City, MI
A: Tough call. After a big looping slice, you obviously had no time to waste getting suds down your neck. On the other hand, needlessly crippling other golfers can cause litigation and possible eternal damnation. Use your best judgment, but make a decision and stick to it.