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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 30
Dear Guzzler: How do you play with a hangover?
What is the best drinking game to play while playing a game with your mates?
A: How do you play without one? That's what I'd like to know. And I don't care much for drinking games. Checkers is a game. Drinking is a way of life.
Dear Guzzler: If I were to drink three beers in three holes of golf while golfing a round of 18. ... How many would I consume when done with the round?
A: This is a complicated question that requires a thorough understanding of what university physicists call "Daly's Theorem." Assuming an unlimited supply of beer and money, theoretically you would never stop drinking. If you really have an unlimited supply of beer and money, give me a call.
Dear Guzzler: How can I find out my handicap? And what does it mean?
A: To find your handicap, you must keep track of scores. Who can be bothered with that? It means you take your game too seriously.
Dear Guzzler: Where does a golf-loving guzzler go on the first Saturday in May?
Your Derby associate from Saginaw
A: The best evidence that God truly does exist is the creation of the Kentucky Derby infield. Everything great about golf is there -- you are outdoors, you gamble and you drink all afternoon. But instead of spending hours finding out the score, everything is decided in two minutes! Plus there is partial female nudity.