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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 31
Dear Guzzler: What makes a links course, a links course?
A: Here in Michigan, we just don't know. Got fudge, though.
Dear Guzzler: How far should I be hitting off the tee with my driver, 3 and 5 woods, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, P irons?
A: Farther than one other person in your group, but always past the ladies' tee. Everything is gravy after that.
Dear Guzzler: At the closest course to my home, they expect you to climb a flight of stairs to get to the bar, completely unacceptable!!!!! What would be the best approach to having the management lower the bar (or install an elevator)?
A: Tumble down those stairs and fracture several vertabrae. After the lawsuit, put your bar any place you want.
Dear Guzzler: Me and a bunch of buddies just got back from a golf trip to Florida. We were running late for our tee time so we couldn't stop and pick up any stash for the course. We knew something was wrong when no beer cart was going around the course. At the turn me and my friend went to the clubhouse, ordered two drafts each and a six for the course, when to our horror there was no beer allowed on the course!! We were both speechless. This was the first time being exposed to this discrimination. Any suggestions?
A: Hot sun and cold beer are the only reasons anyone bothered to fill the swamps of Florida in the first place. If I'm going to golf in that muggy weather, fighting gators for my Top Flite at every water hazard, I demand frosty refreshment. Civil disobedeance is justified. High-tail it to the Piggly Wiggly and stuff some cold ones into your bags for the back side. The north will rise again!
Dear Guzzler: What is the alcohol percentage in Coronas?
A: All I know is that until they put Corona in cans, it has no practical application on the golf course.
Dear Guzzler: I have taken to being a subscriber to your sage type whizzdom. I am sharing these truths with my friends and they all love it. My problem is they think it is all funny or humorous while I tend to believe it is a way of life that should be led by us all. How can I convince my buddies that these truths should be lived, not merely mocked? They are beginning to anger me.
A: No one ever looked back on his deathbed and regretted spending too much time partying on golf courses. If your friends do not understand this, they deserve pity, not anger.