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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 40
Dear Guzzler: I have a problem, being a nonrider on most of the courses I play. My beer gets a little too shaken up in my pull-cart. I am too poor to ride everytime so I need help. Please give me some of your infinate knowledge on this matter. Thanks so much.
A: Sure, friend. When you crack a cold one, don't aim it at yourself or anyone you like. Let any foam spill over to the ground. Then drink up.
Dear Guzzler: I can hold an 18-pack in my golf bag, but I sometimes run out before the18th hole. Do you have any suggestions?
Dear Guzzler: I know what to do when my partner hits my ball with his putt. What do I do when he knocks over my beer with his chip shot?
A: Take one of his brews and kick his ball into the sand.
Dear Guzzler: What the hell is the best beer to guzzle after a useless 18 holes of golf???
A: The kind with alcohol in it.
Dear Guzzler: How does beer and golf go together
A: Like a horse and carriage. Like popcorn and movies. Like burgers and fries. Like young lovers near the bank of a secluded stream where they set free all inhibitions and pass a steamy summer afternoon pleasuring each other over and over in writhing, sweaty ecstasy. Got it?
Dear Guzzler: How do you draw and fade a golf ball?
A: That's easy. I don't.
Dear Guzzler: What is the most important golf shot? The drive, second shot, third shot or putt?
A: No joke this time. I am convinced the second shot is most important on almost any hole.
Dear Guzzler: What kind of clubs do you recomend for a pro, just turned 25?
A: I don't recommend anything to pros who just turned 25. They might kick me off their course.
Dear Guzzler: I've learned that my game is improved with a frosty one at my side. However, by the time I get to the back nine, I'm smashed and my game goes downhill from there. Is there any advice you can give me to determine the appropriate ratio of beers to holes to perfect my game?
A: You must find your own pace. It is perhaps the most difficult part of golf. If all else fails, quit at the turn.