VIEWING TIPS
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 Dear Guzzler: My spouse plays golf at least once a week during the summer. That I can handle -- but now even his golf playing has suffered because he spends so much time conversing with strangers on the Net, including a woman who seems to be only interested in toxic levels of alcohol (and I am sure you know that means she is hot for him.) What should I do?
A former golf widow
A: Hi, honey. I'll be a little late tonight.
Dear Guzzler: Such wisdom. Such wit. So many suds. Who are your mentors and heroes?
A: John Daly, Ted Kennedy, W.C. Fields, William Faulkner, Billy Carter, most of the Rat Pack, Keith Richards and my pastor.
Dear Guzzler: Beer is OK, but I prefer the taste of a properly aged, full-bodied chardonnay. What's your opinion of wine-sipping golfers?
A: I don't know any. Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Dear Guzzler: I am a 23-year-old, single, white female who was featured in a 1993 Playboy spread on "Party Girls of the Midwest." And I LOVE beer. I think you're a real man's man. Any chance of us getting together soon and going for a hole in one?
A: You must be hooked on danger. I'm poison, baby. Get over me.
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