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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 11

 
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Spacer Dear Guzzler: First, let me say how much I appreciate the new status you have given to an old and favorite pastime, hic. Keep up the good, er, work. Now, my question: I am hosting a golf outing Sunday for the department where I work. As host, is it proper for me to get soused while still on the golf course, or should I wait until we get back for the barbecue and the shop-talk/chit-chat stuff? We're only playing nine holes, if that makes any difference.

A: Proper? You're not serving tea and crumpets for this barbecue, are you? Get happy when and where you want. The sooner, the better. If any guest gives you a hard time for your blatant alcoholism, kick his puckered butt right out the door.beer glass

Dear Guzzler: Have you noticed that beer prices have been rising lately? How can I afford to drink beer and play golf, and still have money left over for other things, like food for my kids?

A: Have you looked into the various government assistance programs to feed hungry children?beer glass

Dear Guzzler: Just as my buddy was getting ready to make a birdie putt, I cracked open another cold one. Needless to say, he missed the putt. He claimed that the noise I made was a distraction and was entitled to try again. I said no way. What's your opinion?

A: My opinion is that your friend has his head up his ass. This is what proves golf is not really a sport: Baseball pitches, football passes and basketball free throws must be made under incredible pressure as 60,000 people scream. Golfers step back and regroup when a robin twitters up in a tree. Tell your crybaby buddy he would have missed the putt, anyway. Unless you're not betting. Then who cares. beer glass


 
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